thanks to aimi for sending this song into cory's music collection, the top of a giant hourglass that sifts down to mine...
"autumn tree" makes me feel that sort of buried, howling human sadness that comes on suddenly and impersonally. it is too big to be mine, something encompassing a great war or loneliness.
it's the sort of music that swallows you up, but gently. you know it should hurt but instead it lulls.
the end sounds like every stupid thing i've felt from falling into a puddle one halloween in front of all the older kids to being friend-zoned to being alone in a city of 8.2 million. it sounds like missing things i can't go back to and all the dances i never got asked to.
it sounds like longing i don't understand.
i don't like to watch the video, because then it's hipsters in a room. if i click away from that screen or close my eyes it's all of life's perfectly cloudy, rented sorrow days. days when what has happened is heavy, but what hasn't is crushing.
it's the waiting for things that never come and the sitting with thoughts that never leave. it's an inadequate metaphor.
it's what makes me hope this town gets cold soon.
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